Screen Fast 2025

 A few weeks back I happened upon an email from Plugged In, a Focus on the Family movie and media review website, inviting families to join "Screen Fast 2025," a week long electronics fast at the beginning of Lent. 

As I confessed in a recent post, I have a pretty typically American relationship to my cell phone: I am very aware of some bad habits surrounding it, but also find it both too useful and too diverting to give up. 

As my kids (now 11, 14, and 15) have grown and the availability of internet-connected devices has exploded, I've seen a lot of the same dysfunctional behaviors reflected in them. Unlike me, the oldest and youngest are definitely not losing any sleep about it. The middle child is far more introspective and self-aware, but she hasn't had much success at self-restriction.

In other words, I was ready for a kick in the pants to try something like a "fast." 

The TL;DR

• I chose to restrict primarily screen use that I perceive as isolating as well as purely recreational. 
• A week of limited (but not eliminated) screen time has been Very positive from my perspective. The kids have engaged with each other at at least double or triple the rate of an average week.  Most of the interactions have been positive.
• I am actively meditating on and praying about ways to integrate some of these healthier habits into our routine going forward.

The Long Read

Defining the Fast

I coined the term "RCU" (Recreational Computer Use) to mean all use of internet-connected devices that was inherently isolating and also purely recreational. 

Fasting from RCU meant that my son had to give up both his PC and phone games as well as Reddit, my youngest daughter had to give up her audio books and Roblox, my middle daughter had to give up most social media and YouTube videos, and I had to give up my (remaining) phone games and social media.  (I did not attempt to impose this fast on my husband. Your results may vary.) 

On the other hand, I did not attempt to restrict academic computer use, basic communications, reading books on e-readers, most music, creative projects (both daughters enjoy creating electronic art), nor organizational/motivational apps such as Finch.

Perhaps most importantly I did not restrict television watched together as a family. Why? Well, I knew that realistically we were not going to hold philosophical debates or play board games in the evening. Neither our schedule nor family dynamic will support that right now. On the other hand, watching TV both Deliberately and Together is something I perceive as relationship-building. 

The Family Reaction to The Plan

Only my middle child (14F) was truly "on board" with the RCU fast. She engages in a lot of group chats, podcasts, YouTube videos, and other social media. She already perceived a need in her own life for reduction of and greater deliberation around social media, doom scrolling, and other RCU. 

My oldest (15M) was very much opposed. He is in the habit of playing video games or scrolling Reddit on one device or another probably 5-8 hours per day. He finds it hard to prioritize academics over recreation and I often find him playing games "to relax" when he is not done with his work. Like me, he frequently "dual-screens" when watching TV with the family. And while he recognizes that some of this RCU can be reasonably classed as "self medication" to deal with the vicissitudes of life, he is not actively eager to find better solutions. He also reasonably pointed out that his sisters are away at dance class several hours most evenings while he has fewer and shorter Tae Kwon Do classes a few evenings a week, and thus would be disproportionately affected: no-one would be home to engage in board games or other activities even if he were eager for them. 

My youngest (11F) was even less eager. Her RCU consists mostly of audio books streamed to her headphones while she is engaged in some other task and at bedtime. She also enjoys Roblox and a few tablet games; it's unfortunately relatively common for me to find her engaged in one of these activities before her work is done for the day. (She doesn't have a phone.) She had no interest whatsoever in reducing RCU and denies vehemently any problems that I perceive as related to RCU.

Wisely, my oldest decided not to fight very hard against the fast. His compliance and that of his oldest sister has been good. My youngest had her tablet confiscated due to tangentially related issues 24 hours before the fast began. Her compliance with the academic device has been decent. 

The Plan In Practice

I feel like the kids have done a pretty good job detoxing. I know my son is reading a lot, which again I would rather have him do than play video games. My daughters are both making time for some arts and crafts that have been on the back burner. My youngest has been baking. I wish that they were taking the opportunity to grab an actual paper book, but I am not seeing a lot of evidence of that. 

Mid-week my middle came to me about bedtime podcasts. She'd been honoring the letter of our fast by replacing them with music, but found that she was waking up several times during the night. She usually uses long-form podcasts to fall asleep and finds she wakes up less for some reason. Rather than trying to dig into this too much, I told her that she was permitted to make that call on her own. She chose to go back to podcasts at bedtime, but only bedtime.

Personally I've been slightly surprised at how little I've missed my word games (Wordle, Blossom, Strands, and a few of that genre) and social media. Yes, there have been a few times when I wanted to post on Facebook, but I know I can hold out until Monday. I've been reading a lot of books - not necessarily titles that I am super proud of from an intellectual or moral perspective, but I still feel better about them than the even-more-mindless doom-scrolling I'd do instead. And I've made time for several handcrafts this week that were always getting pushed to the bottom of the list over the past month or two. (I'd be lying if I claimed I've entirely avoided the headline clicking I meant to eliminate, but I'm not giving Entirely in. I've more deliberately compromised on Pokemon Go because it is a phone game I play almost exclusively on long walks with my husband. I've also allowed myself podcasts when in the car with the kids or on solo walks.)

On the other hand there has been no "magic fix" as far as completing academics or chores. I'd say they're going better, but maybe only 20% better. Clearly excessive RCU is not the only problem here.

Perhaps the biggest win from my perspective has been our evenings. While the TV has been on, we've always been "deliberate" watchers with a specific show or two that we enjoy together. Simply Not dual-screening has made this time more rewarding for me and (I hope) my son. My youngest and I have both been crocheting. My anxious, introverted middle girl has not been engaging much with the rest of the family in the last 12-18 months, but this week she is both bored enough (and perhaps just as importantly healthy enough!) to find interaction a tempting alternative. The "hanging out" has been overwhelmingly positive, and has on most evenings extended beyond the end of the TV shows. She recommended "Fiddler on the Roof" which was pretty uplifting for all of us. I've witnessed the girls spontaneously dancing together several times, and last night when we realized there was a lunar eclipse at 11:30 pm my son dug out the new-to-us telescope and we all stayed up to watch. 

Moving Forward

As I write this we have less than 36 hours left in our fast.

I want to capitalize on the wins from this week, but I accept intellectually that it will be harder to do that than it was to call the fast in the first place: I'll be asking for long term habit modifications rather than temporary behavior changes.

If I were able to choose just one significant habit change, it would be to eliminate dual-screening when we watch TV together. If I was allowed to chose two, it would be to encourage both older kids to spend less time on their isolating RCU (social media and video games), perhaps specifically by limiting these activities to certain hours of the day. I know that buy-in will be difficult to achieve, but at this time I am committed to the battle.
For various reasons my youngest will have a longer compulsory fast; I expect to see her continue to thrive by eliminating the mindless RCU that's been contributing to her general ADHD.  

Do I recommend a Tech Fast for others? 

Absolutely. Our experience has been almost entirely positive, and I am reasonably optimistic about making some permanent changes based on it. My advice is, however, to have realistic expectations both about how much to eliminate and what you expect as long term gains. 

I think one of the reasons it has worked for us as well as it has is that I did not attempt an "all or nothing" across the board ban on all computer use. I did not simply turn off the router and shove all the devices in Faraday bags, tempting as that has occasionally been.

If you are considering a fast, I suggest you start by take some real time to analyze how your family is using tech, what specific problems you perceive, and what level of compliance you can expect from your kids. Take time to get buy-in from your husband (if you choose) and - to the degree possible - the kids. Communicate your expectations well. Be flexible mid-fast about compromises if they seem helpful. Most importantly, don't forget to take time to pray about it .

 

PS: My daughters just tried to claim that blogging fits into the RCU category; I vehemently deny this since I do it so rarely and it's effectively journaling in any case!