On Managing that Phone...

 

 Like probably 90 of 95% of cell-phone owners in the US, I have a lot of trouble managing my screen time. Again, like most of us, I vacillate wildly between uninstalling my most time-wasting apps to threatening defenestration of the entire device to simply throwing up my hands and giving into the scroll-addiction. This always leaves me feeling dissatisfied with my day: even when I've gotten plenty of "real work" done, I sense that I could and should have spent my time in activities more rewarding than scrolling Facebook or winning 12 levels of Cookie Jam. 

I don't think that either Facebook or Cookie Jam are 100% evil any more than the phone is - any more than ice cream and chocolate are. There has to be a way to strike a balance that leaves me in control of my time without making me feel like I'm on a constant diet with its associated risk of binging. If I am not going to throw out the phone, I need to find a way to own it rather than letting it own me.

A little soul searching helped me identify the apps and behaviors that waste the most time and leave me feeling the largest sense of failure when indulged in.

TL;DR

• Restricting my most addictive, hard-to-control time wasters to specific times outside of "working hours" has proven surprisingly achievable and helps control feelings of deprivation or withdrawal.
  
  
• A daily goals and tasks app has proved helpful in making this switch.
  
  

The Longer Read

Behaviors I need to control: 

1. Facebook. I continue to derive some value from it as an ersatz journal, an occasional source of news, memes, and fun content, and (decreasingly) as a means of keeping contact with friends and family. But the app is constantly evolving and finding new ways to serve me up advertising and addictive content even as the personal connections drop off. Therefore I need to find a way to control and/or target my FB time rather than dropping out myself for now.
   I certainly need Not to add any new Social Media apps at this time.
   
   
2. Phone games may be broken into two categories: games that have a definite beginning and end, and games that are designed to keep you playing forever. The latter category, which includes every match-3 game ever created, should either go away or be strongly restricted to self-limiting times in which I won't feel awful about it later.
   
   
3. Nearly all major news sources (audio, video, and print) are terrifically bad for my mental health. News and Current Events need to be consumed sparingly, with intent, and with curation.

Behaviors I do not need to modify right now

1. Games with clear endings (Wordle and its derivatives plus a few other word games) are not a current problem for me. I am content with the amount of time I spend on them. 
2. I do not resent or feel badly about time spent reading eBooks, even fiction. I have no real tendency to binge read fiction when I ought to be doing something else.
3. I similarly don't have a tendency to binge television or movies. It is not a priority to reduce my long-format video screen time right now.
4. Similarly, I do not need to reduce time spent on "real" (PC-based) video games right now.
5. FB Messenger and Text Messages are both productivity apps for me, not time sinks. Therefore real-time notifications (before bedtime) stay. Most of the people I communicate use them pretty responsibly (that is to say, sparingly!) and the ones that don't I have put in silent mode.

The Plan : Behaviors to Support These Values

1. The phone is not kept overnight on my nightstand. It charges downstairs in the kitchen. When the phone is in my room in the morning, it's nearly impossible to resist the urge to "just check in" on a few things, leading to me suddenly realizing it's already 8:30, my back hurts from being in bed too long, and I'm way behind on my real tasks.
   
   
2. The Facebook app is not installed on my phone, nor is it allowed to send any e-mail updates. I access it only on the web browser.
   
   
3. On most of my laptop browsers I've installed "News Feed Eradicator" which actually suppresses my ability to scroll FB. I can click individual friend profiles, look up my groups, and view my own profile, but the endless scroll with all of its advertising, viral videos, and other garbage isn't there.(TODO: Does this app exist for the phone?)
   
   
4. I've taken time to eliminate or heavily curate what Google's 'home page' can show me on my phone and also Mostly eliminated the habit of swiping over to it. While I found it best to quit all radio and online news cold-turkey about 4.5 years ago now, I've gotten better mentally since the pandemic and now permit myself a headline or three a couple times a week. But I've seriously curated what I am shown. I can sometimes miss major national news stories for up to 24 hours. It's lovely.
   
   
5. This intervention is new this year.
   My daughter got me started with the Finch, a self-care and task management app. I could say a lot about this app which I mostly find wonderful, but the TL;DR is that you set yourself goals and get points (and the associated dopamine hit) when you check them off.
   A couple of weeks ago I created the weekday goal of "No FB or Cookie Jam between 8:30 am and 7 pm."
   
   Knowing (a) I have that self expectation, and (b) that I get "points" for achieving it has thus far proven almost magically effective. As a bonus, my FB habit is waning and I find myself spending far less time even after 7 pm on FB or my games than I would have normally.  

Breaking the habit of FB or endless games during working hours has made more time for blogging / journaling, recreational reading (yes, I mostly use my Kindle now), home management, my homeschool duties, etc. I've also marginally increased my time devoted to Bible Study. Now all I need to do is find a way to create some better habits around exercise, diet, food planning, housework...

Perhaps that is a project for another day!