I Will Sing of the Goodness of God

Remembering Dad

Nov 4, 2024

Mom and I are - very intentionally - not at home today. In fact, we are 2500+ miles from home in Kihei, HI. We are very thankful to Arden and Janet, our long time friends, for helping to facilitate our journey and acting as our native guides. 

Because while the nation waits with varying degrees of fear, loathing, anxiety, and fretfulness to see who will be our next president, I find myself far more preoccupied with remembering my father on this first anniversary of his home-going. 

It's been a tough year. I've never grieved a parent before, and have no idea what it is "supposed" to look like. So I don't know if I have been "doing it right."  Close enough, I expect. There have been tears, if not quite as many as I imagined there might be. There has been anger, irritation, and testiness aplenty. There's been a lot of hard, often tedious work  dealing with the reams of paperwork - mostly electronic, thank goodness - required for everything from the phone bill to the Roth IRAs.  (I was often both grateful for the practical distraction of these necessities and resentful all at the same time!)  And of course there has been a lot of remembering. 

I thought it would be good today to make a record of some of the character traits I am most thankful for about my father, and the ones I hope to see reflected in my own life and passed down to his grandchildren. 

Faith

Dad's was unwavering in his spoken and lived faith. While never flamboyant or demonstrative about that faith, (could there be any two words that less describe Dad?!) there is no doubt in my mind that Dad is with Him now, because he knew what he believed, and in Whom he believed, and that He was able to keep that which he'd committed unto him against that day. (2 Tim 2:12)  

Integrity, Loyalty, Work Ethic, and Attention to Detail

Dad didn't ever do anything half way. If he accepted the job, it was going to get done, and it was going to be done well - even if it took all day. One of my fondest memories from recent years is when I asked him for help finding the leak in the moonroof on David's Camry. After some dire warnings about how hard it was to find leaks, he googled the problem and found it was a relatively simple issue of unblocking a drain. We took the car over to the shop at Twin Rocks (where he was volunteering full time) and he Macgyvered an attachment to some tool or another so he could get all the way in and unclog the whole thing. But of course that wasn't enough. We didn't leave the shop until we had fully detailed the vehicle, from polishing cloudy headlights to scrubbing off the moss that had attached itself to the rubber gaskets with a toothbrush.  It had never been so clean! 

When you walk most any large building at TRFC you'll find little labels by all of the switches and outlets mapping them to exactly the right fuse in the electrical box. He wrote the dates on every LED or CFL bulb he replaced so they could return the ones that died early under warranty. There was really no detail too small for him to pay attention to, nor a job he left hanging. 

And you never met anyone more loyal to friends, employers, or wife than he was. He was always the proverbial guy you could rely on to "turn out the lights." He didn't walk away from anything - job, church, or anything else - until it was intensely clear in his mind that it was time. (He worked for the Corps of Engineers for 45 years!) 

Practicality and Frugality

I don't think I knew you could buy pizza without a coupon when I was a kid. I mean, it simply wasn't done! The cars were almost always older than the kids. If there was any practical (or often impractical) way that he could do a job himself, he would. It was years and years before he would pay someone else to change his oil - and that only when he calculated that it actually saved him money to have Walmart do it! He loved playing the rebate game, and had a spreadsheet devoted to the task with entries for each product with all the details of what he'd submitted and when he received the money back. It was very hard for him to resist a good deal, and he loved tech of all kinds, but he was never a bleeding-edge adopter: he waited until the tech was established and the price down into reasonable territory before buying the TI-99 4a, C-64, 486, and finally Pentium computers. 

He bought his shirts and vacuum cleaners at Salvation Army, took Mom out on dates at the local second run theater and Taco Bell or Baja Fresh (where they always brought back their cups for the refill discount), and generally saved as a matter of lifestyle. He had to be badgered into replacing his increasingly unreliable 20+ year old Volare Station Wagon in the late 90's, because he took pride in looking around a parking lot and finding his was the oldest car there. And then he took what he saved and invested wisely, leaving my mother extremely well provided for - we were truly shocked when we found out just how well he'd done. 

He was someone you wanted nearby in a crisis, because he was extremely calm, practical, and solution oriented. Honestly, he was so practical that we mostly didn't Have crises growing up: he'd planned ahead. When it was time for me to look for summer jobs and internships he laid out the steps I should follow: make sure my resume included these items, mentions these skills, and is put on this person's desk. (Yes, I got the internship at the Corps!) He demonstrated more than actively preached that almost any problem could be broken down into steps and conquered with enough patience and logic.  

Life Long Learning

When I was in college, Dad was wishing he had time to take a course in biology and genetics. He loved studying the technical articles from ICR and Acts and Facts, watching The Great Courses on TV, and soaking up the technical details of investments, tax implications, and the like. Dad would have Loved fiddling with my new laser engraver - I really missed calling him up to tell him all about it.  

Generosity

Tithing was just the start for Dad, and when the time came for mandatory withdrawals from his IRAs, a good deal of it was donated.  

But he was even more importantly generous with his time. Those 4 years he worked at TRFC - often well over 40 hours a week - were entirely volunteer. He had planned and plotted to spend his "retirement" there for many years before he was able to make it a reality, and I believe he enjoyed nearly every moment of it. Even when he was working full time he frequently gave up his weekends to help a friend or family member wire something, install a floor, put up a popcorn ceiling, or any number of similar home improvement tasks. He painted my kids' rooms when we bought our house, replaced outlets with child safe ones, and did (or painstakingly explained to me how to do) dozens of other small homeowner tasks. 

At his memorial, a fellow I'd grown up with at Lynwood told me how he had been tasked in college to do some sort of project touching on dams and salmon conservation or something like that, and he came to my dad for an expert's perspective. Dad took him to Bonneville and gave him a tour and an exhaustive lecture on the subject, giving my friend everything he needed for an excellent paper - and incidentally converting him to a life-long supporter of hydropower! 

Gentleness

It's hard to think of a word that describes Dad better than gentleness. He was never one to be ruled by his emotions. When he got angry, you could mainly tell by the fact he was getting quieter and quieter. Raising his voice and demanding attention was never his style. He got his point across by gentle - but relentless - logic and practical thinking. He managed to save me from a potentially disastrous relationship back in college by discussing it with so much gentleness (and relentless logic!) that I didn't get angry at him. He was right. I didn't immediately break it off with the guy, but honestly, knowing that and why my Dad didn't find him worthy was a big deal to me and I think I knew from that moment that I wouldn't end up marrying him. (By contrast he was very clear that he liked David!) 

Dad was also popular with the kids at church because he was always willing to let them "help" move tables, roll carpets, or whatever needed to be done when we were in our nomadic stage at City's Edge. He continued to instruct, encourage, and listen to them as they grew and is remembered very fondly by a whole crop of them. And there was rarely someone more ready for grandkids than Dad was - it was too bad that most of them didn't come along until he was over 60! 

Humility 

Dad hated attention. He was an introvert by personality, but also a natural leader - one that lead by doing, never demanding. 

I could go on and on - I've barely scratched the surface, it feels! But I think it is truly the character trait of humility that sums him up the best. I can only pray that I develop this and these other traits in my own life.

Thank you, God, for your incredible goodness in giving Dad to me as my father, and thank you even more for taking him home to be with You when the time was right. 
And thank for your promise given through Paul in 1 Thessalonians 4: 

13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 

15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

Welcome!

 Welcome to Tarkheena Crafts! 

Someday I will have a real website with a real order form and everything. That day is not today! This is a blog where you can find anything from tutorials to Zentangle to ruminations on homeschooling to my thoughts on the reasons for crafting. 

But I am available for custom orders. 

Please, take a look at some of the things I have on offer, like Memory Bears, or Custom Plushes.

I am also available for custom T-shirts - Christmas, Christian, whatever you can think of. Mugs, keychains, Christmas Ornaments, and coasters are also an option. 

Finally, I am beginning to explore the exciting world of laser engraving. I'm pretty new to it, but it's a blast. 

Let me know what you are interested in, and I'll let you know if I can do it. 

Best address to reach me is tarkheenasoap@gmail.com

Ruminations on Motivations for Crafting

Ruminations on Why We Craft

My rendition of Choly Knight's owl pattern

I've joined several Facebook crafting groups lately, and one of the more frequent topics is some iteration of "how much should I charge for X?"
This morning's variation was a photo of a particular handcraft (fair disclosure: of a particularly vintage style that I don't personally find attractive) with the question "Will these sell?"
Before I knew it, I found myself writing an essay. I have preserved and polished it here:

"Will I don't know if "will they sell?" may not be exactly the right question. Perhaps a better one is "will they sell at a price that justifies both the materials and time?"
In my personal experience, pretty much Nothing hand-made sells at a profit-making price for the vast majority of us rubes who show up at a craft fair or three each year and just want to make people happy with our cute / useful / clever and amusing wares.
I walked through one of those crafting co-op shops last week, and it was full of everything from (beautiful) pot holders to (terrifying) crocheted dolls to customizable birth-announcement plushies, plus the expected share of antiques and memorabilia. Most of it was priced to "compete with China:" $15 screen-printed T-shirts, $10 crochet items, $5 machine-embroidered zipper pouches. Even the lady re-selling zipper pulls and similar notions was probably spending far more time packaging and labeling her wares than the $2.50 price justified.
I sincerely doubt that one handcraft booth out of 10 was making back its booth fee on an average month. And if we want to be really mean and talk about *profit,* I'll bet there aren't any.
I follow one lady on Facebook who seems to be managing to sell a steady stream of small, hand-made plushies (from her own patterns) at prices upwards of $75/each. I applaud her, and I want her to teach a master-class on how to gather the sort of following that understands that "handmade" = "expensive" because Time Isn't Free.
But on the other hand, when I examine my own motives for crafting, they aren't profit-oriented. I just love to craft! Thankfully I am not in a position where I need my crafting to contribute to our income; I really don't even need it to pay for itself. My husband, bless him, understands that crafting is far cheaper than therapy. And so do I, even as I occasionally throw a few items out there in the hopes I can make back a little something.
(And I am sorry, fellow crafters who Do need to make a profit: people like me don't help when we drive down the prices people are willing to pay by selling at a loss!)
If I Did need to contribute to our income, I would have to either chose a completely different craft - one that could be turned out in large quantities for low materials cost with very little actual Time - or I would have to go spend a good deal of time learning about marketing and figuring out how to recruit and advertise to a population that understands a hand-made plush takes at least 3 hours, and should therefore cost at least $75.
To sum up, there's every chance you will move a few of your lovingly created tissue box covers. Someone will love them. They probably won't love them so much they will pay what they cost you in terms of time. But maybe that doesn't need to matter to you. Maybe you just want to make people happy. Be honest about that, and then Go for it! 

--------------- 

 

(Above photo is my rendition of Choly Knight's Dragonite pattern)  

There's a frequent poster - we'll call her Gladys - on one of my other FB groups that focuses on hand-made plush toys from a particular pattern maker. She obviously loves to sew plushies. She does several of them a month. But - please excuse the judgement here, but I just can't seem to help it - they look Awful. And not in that cute "distressed," "vintage," or "ugly/cute" way, either. They're often made from quilting cotton or other random fabrics instead of fleece, minky, or fur. They bulge where they shouldn't, don't stretch where they should, and the stitching often shows. The appliqued features are poorly cut and messily hand-stitched. By any objective standard, not to mention the standard of others who post their creations on this page, they are absolutely "cringe" (to use the my tween's vernacular.) 

I am pretty sure Gladys doesn't know this. I think there's also a pretty good chance Gladys doesn't care. And I can't figure out whether to feel sad for her - "oh look, here's someone who thinks she's really good at something but actually is terrible" - or really, really, respectful - "oh look, here's someone who is really enjoying herself with a craft that she loves and the fact that her end product kinda sucks just doesn't bother her, even if she's noticed it. She's doing it for the love of crafting!" 

I'm not sure that Gladys and I are actually from the same planet. I am a perfectionist with high personal standards. I'm an engineer who can't always turn off that calculating side of the brain that says "Why did you agree to 'sell' your acquaintance a hand-made plush that took you 3 hours for $15 again?" And it's easy for me to forget for a while the reason I actually craft. 

Years ago I became attracted to the beautiful line art that I soon learned was produced from the "Zentangle" method. Zentangle is, first and foremost, a process-oriented art method rather than a results-oriented one. It's all about the lines, drawn carefully and deliberately, one stroke at a time. Of course people do create beautiful and impressive art using this method (I have myself!), but with its mantra of "No Mistakes," the artwork at the end is deliberately secondary.  I believe there's wisdom in this approach.

Don't get me wrong: I believe in absolute truth, objective standards of beauty, externally-evaluated craftsmanship, and always doing one's best.

 But crafting IS, even for me, mostly about the process. A process in which we exercise our roles as little-c creators as an expression of our Imago Dei. 

At this point, my essay is not only getting long, it's getting reasonably repetitive. I wrote extensively on a similar subject on my "Philosophy" post more than 10 years ago.  

I hope Gladys will forgive my judgement. I have a different skill set and a different standard, but I think we probably have the same fundamental reason for crafting: it's fun. It's relaxing. And creation Feels right. At root, it's a way to get in touch with our God-given creative natures. And that's always worth doing. 

 My rendition of Rustic Horseshoe's "Charismatic Cat"

Rough Waters With Rays of Hope

 It's been a rough season in the Collins household. I'm being pulled a lot of ways, and often school feels like the last thing that's getting my attention. I feel defeated just trying to get my teens out of bed in the morning, or away from the video games at bedtime. The middle kid is really struggling with her anxiety and emotions and I've had to give up on having her "in the classroom" with the other two. My youngest is truly getting the short end of the stick with her fun co-op days constantly being cancelled for one reason or another, group work become unpredictable and often skipped, and Mom somehow never available to help her with her math and science and then riding her case when she's defiant and rebellious right back to me.

But God.

In His faithfulness he is allowing me moments of genuine connection with my struggling middle child. Spontaneous discussions where it's clear that she is applying the Christian worldview we've made central to our family to the secular media that she consumes, and doing a very good job of it. He's let me see her compassion and desire to help a friend who is struggling in her home life. He's sent adult friends to help her brainstorm ways she can troubleshoot her academic troubles and anxieties, and a grandma who is happy to have her hang out at her house for a few hours every other day or so and work on school in a quieter environment.

He's allowed me to see my oldest get really excited about his martial arts training and slowly take up some responsibility for the steps required for black belt testing - even writing a really very decent "personal perspective" paper, which is way outside his wheelhouse. He's let me see signs of growth in a bunch of areas, academic and personal.

He's let me have some good times with the youngest, who gets So Upset when she doesn't understand or think that it sounds worth while, but is so fun to work with when she can get her attitude in line. He's let me see her demonstrate that she can absolutely synthesize information from adult sources and put them into her own words, and that given patience and practice she's going to be a perfectly good writer after all. He's reminded me that listening to "Freakonomics" podcasts on the way home from dance and talking about the info Totally Counts as school, and the fact I never, ever call it that is just a bonus (to her!)

When I look back at the last week I can see all these little rays of light He's sent that say "This may be hard, but I've got them" and remind me I can release the end results to Him.
And I am so grateful for that.
Because tomorrow will be another struggle. I'll probably end up in another shouting match with one of them, make the middle one cry, and make a bad time compromise for the third, who will also find a way to drag out 10 minutes of math practice for 4 hours.
But it's still good. We're still on the right track. And He really does have them.

Memory Bears

 I spent many (mostly) happy hours this December sewing 11 memory bears from some of Dad's shirts. (Dad was, somewhat surprisingly, rather a clothes horse. He rarely bought new, unless it was from someplace like Old Navy or Target, but he had a huge collection of mostly thrifted checked shirts to go with his coats and baseball caps. Given how unpretentious he was, this always makes me laugh.) In any case, I raided his closet after he was gone and picked a few I knew he'd worn frequently and made these bears from a pattern by Fostering Sewing Designs.  (Buy it here. It's well worth every penny!)

 

I loved this pattern after I got used to its quirks. I reduced it to 75% to make it a bit more manageable. Because I decided to supplement and accent with faux fir or polar fleece, I could easily get 3 bears from each long sleeved shirt. I incorporated pockets and buttons (shirt front and sleeve cuff) wherever I could, moving and adding buttons as necessary so they all looked well dressed. 

 

My favorite part of the pattern is that it had almost no hand sewing: just three small stuffing holes to ladder-stitch shut. Safety eyes and noses were also ideal, and the limbs were even designed to avoid those tiny, tricky, and tedious foot pads. I think by the time I got going I could turn out a bear in about 3 hours, maybe even a tad less when I was assembly-lining the pattern tracing and cutting. 
I adore the Choly Knight / Sew Desu Ne? patterns, but they tend to be super heavy on hand-sewn features, elaborate appliqued eyes, and, yes, even foot pads. :) They are adorable when finished, but I could not have made 11 of them in one month! 

Mom, each of their three kids, and the seven grands each got one for Christmas. I convinced them to pose each wearing one of Grandpa's hats. (The 7th grand is grown and flown, but should receive her bear soon!) Bittersweet, but since we all know that Dad / Grandpa is with his Savior and we will see him again, it is endurable. (See this related post.) 

If you are interested in commissioning a memory bear or bears using a loved one's clothes, please contact me at annetteccollins@gmail.com.

 

Christmas Memories of Those We Have Lost

 

I don't know if anyone else remembers loved ones on their trees like this, but it's become something of a tradition for me since 2011. A friend gave me an ornament in memory of the barely-started baby we lost to miscarriage that year. I see we lost three grandparents in in 2014, David's sister in 2015, and of course Dad this year. I see somehow I missed making an ornament for Grandpa Pete in 2018 (I'll have to check that date), and two of my grandparents left us well before I started these. Thankfully I have more crosses in my stash, so I can go back and fill in those gaps. 

 

It is, of course, bitter sweet to put these up each year, and take them down again, but it's also a wonderful reminder of what this season is really all about. That baby we all celebrate on December 25 came to live, and more importantly, die for us. That sacrifice means that those who believe will not be long separated by physical death.

The back of each cross quotes John 11:25 where Jesus declared:

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies."

Elsewhere Jesus promises to wipe away every tear from the eyes of his people, when death itself is finally and permanently defeated.

I hope you too are living in that hope today.

 

Custom Plushes!

 

Welcome to Tarkheena Crafts! 

I have been sewing plushies using patterns from Choly Knight for about 4 years.

I am available to custom make plushies on a limited basis. My prices are reasonable, and you will love your new friend.

If you are a friend of Encore Performing Arts Studio, be assured that proceeds from sales will be helping defray Grace's Company fees!

What Can You Make?

I can sew anything from Choly's free section, and I own a number of her commercial patterns as well. If you are interested in something from her commercial section that is new to me, the price of the pattern will need to be incorporated into the total. 
Of course the free patterns are typically easier and faster, and therefore cheaper to you. 

Some of my favorites are 

• Pikachu
• Baby Yoda 
• Owls (usually with rice packs inside so they can be heated) 
  and
  
• Memory Bears (Perhaps made with an old dance shirt?)
  

 

If you have a desire for a plushie the does not appear on Choly's site, there is always a chance I could make something happen. I have done a handful of Pokemon hacks, for instance: Psyduck and Rowlet are in my library. It never hurts to ask!

What Will It Cost?

As a ballpark, custom plushies will start at $25 and top out around $65, although I will need to do a custom quote for your project. 

Do keep in mind that complexity rather than size will be the primary driver. Don't be surprised when the pillow-sized Avo-Cat-O runs less than the much smaller Lapras with its many hand-sewn details. But also be sure to ask about quantity discounts: Making 3 of something is much faster per item than making 1!

How Can I Order? 

Please, contact me at annetteccollins@gmail.com. Let me know what you are interested in and a timeline, and we'll figure something out!