The 7 Deadly D's

I love to imagine that if I just find the Right way to explain something that is, in fact, a heart issue, I will magically be able to transform my children's behavior And attitudes. 
OK, I get it. The Holy Spirit is in charge of their hearts.
But sometimes a snappy little bit of alliteration does help clarify expectations - at very worst, I have sometime concrete to point to when behavior deteriorates.
Anyway, here's what we have up on our wall. I drive the kids nuts with it.

(Hat trick to Tauna Meyer from  Proverbial Homemaker for the the Obedience rubric.)

When Instructed or Corrected, avoid these 

7 Deadly Ds of Disobedience

1. Drama
2. Disrespect
3. Defiance
4. Deal-Making
5. Disagreeing
6. Dawdling
7. Disappearing

Instead, 

Obey Right Away, 

All The Way, 

With a Happy Heart

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 

Colossians 3:20

If you'd like a nicely formatted printable copy, download here.

A little explanation

1. Drama: 

In our household, drama is when a request to perform a task is met with heavy sighs, eye rolls, and other obvious signs of discontent and unwillingness.

2. Disrespect:

Pretty obvious, although it can be shown in many ways. It's when the kid acts as if you do not have the authority to instruct or correct

3. Defiance:

Again, fairly obvious - and not the most common of the "D's" in our home. But it's when the kid simply says "No" to your face

4. Deal-Making: 

In our house, one kid in particular is known for trying to talk me out of some or all of a chore or task. "Can't I do just the first half of the page?" or "Can I please take that shower tomorrow?" 

5. Disagreeing

Could also be called Debate or (Endless) Discussion. In our house I frequently hear things like "But you didn't make me do that assignment last week" or "I already showered yesterday. You never make me shower two days in a row." Sometimes it's "You already told me to do too many things. Don't pile on!" Just as common is "But X made that mess," or "X was supposed to take care of that." 

6. Dawdling

Foot dragging and other failure to comply quickly. "Just let me finish this chapter first" is a common one. Honestly, this is one of the biggest around here. There's always something they would prefer to finish first, and they can make you feel like a real bear for insisting on immediate compliance. And yet, that is usually what works best for all. 

7. Disappearing

Making oneself scarce either just before assignments are handed out or, more frequently around here, simply slipping away and finding something else to do, hoping Mom won't notice and might forget all about the instruction. 

I am also considering adding an 8th Deadly D to our list: 

Demanding an Explanation. 

While it could be categorized under Disrespect (but couldn't they all!), it's a big subcategory for us. This is when you say "It's time to take a shower" or "Please go clean the cat box," and your kid instead says "But why? Why do I need to take a shower anyway? Why should I always be the one to clean the cat box?" 
This is not legitimate questioning ("Do I also have to wash my hair?" or "What should I use to get all that litter off the floor?"). The intent is not to acquire information or clarify expectations, it's to get you to justify your instruction with a full explanation agreed upon by the kid. 

I will often call the kids on this when they get stuck in the "Why" loop. "No, that's not a real question. You're being disrespectful by demanding I justify what I told you to do."  Not cool.